Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! I am Johanna Draconis and I welcome you to “The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD” podcast.
In this episode we will talk about fate - in particular about the fate of those marked by trauma. Are we bound to be victims or abusers? That is a question I am sure many of you have asked when only these 2 fates seem to be available. But there is more.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:29]
In media - be it news, shows, movies or the like - it can often appear that there are only 2 outcomes. Either surviving on scraps and the good will of others as eternal victim, who can barely function in life and is always in peril of being victimized again.
Or the other option becoming an abuser, being bound by the teaching of violence and unable to break the cycle. Or lashing out at society after their own suffering has been ignored for so long until only bitterness and apathy remains.
Either way those marked by abuse are bound to it - or so it can seem. Especially during your healing progress you seem to be pulled back again to this topic like it’s a bungee cord. That has a lot to do with how you heal by revisiting the topic again and again.
But those who have listened to me know that that can’t be the only options. There are 2 others - because the mentioned options are the destructive ones and the other 2 are the productive ones. I refer to them as the hunters and survivors.
We first talk about how it starts, then the roadblocks, then the destructive outcomes, then the productive outcomes and then how it ends.

How it starts [1:53]
To understand it all, lets us recap how you get into this position. There is either born into violence/abuse and grew up with it or experienced a time of violence/abuse that affected you significantly. Be it war, a relationship, an health episode or the like.
If you are born into this situation then this is your brains normal and requires convincing to change. The other normal is scary and foreign for it and therefor is more comfortable staying where it is. Also it wasn’t taught how to change.
If you experienced it for a time later on, then your brain theoretically knows what true normal is, but was forced to change and adapt to the situation. The brain knows how to change and the old territory is still familiar, but it isn’t that easy.
The brain now has to decide if the new way is not better for survival. It will be changed by the experience and therefor can’t really go back how things were. If the trauma is still active, then the brain is too traumatized to change back.

The roadblocks [3:06]
As we just said, there are roadblocks. First off, if you are still actively dealing with your trauma, then this can help you know where you are heading. But it is almost impossible to change anything significantly while still actively fighting the trauma.
Some things just have to wait - and this is one of them. Also if you still have an trauma active - then the brain is likely too scared or paralyzed to move out of the familiar abuse zone anyway. The brain usually considers it a too great of a risk in its vulnerable state.
The brain never wants to change anything, like we talked about many times, unless it has to. Because change always brings the risk of ending without supply - at least in our ancient instincts. It really needs to learn about shipping and fridges.
If your brain then wasn’t even taught how to change or be itself, then it doesn’t even know where to start and will require a lot of resources to make it happen - see episode 31.

The destructive outcomes [4:11]
We start with the destructive outcomes, because they are more commonly known and are basically the raw and unfinished outcomes. Because even if you ended up as an abuser or eternal victim - you can still change. It is not locked in like in a video game.
While the same goes also the other way around it is way more unlikely. Though it is entirely possible to be an eternal victim and abuser - and using the victim hood as a way to justify being an abuser - like we talked about in greater detail in episode 143.
The sad thing is, that many become involuntarily abusers because they didn’t understand and processed how they were abused as children. Then they repeat the cycle and inability to control themselves and it spreads more and more until people break the cycle.
There are so many ways the abusers intentionally or unintentionally made sure that their victims can’t get help, don’t learn necessary skills, understand what happened, are isolated and so on. I think I will talk about this next episode in greater detail.

The productive outcomes [5:22]
Then there are the productive outcomes - the hunters and survivors. The hunters are - as the name suggest - hunting down bad things, be it abuser, injustice or whatever. Those who suffered great injustice often seem to have a greater intolerance for it.
Be it law, activism, police, military or the like. Basically instead of beating down on a victim they decide to beat up to those who abuse - be it figuratively or literally. Like the criminal minds quote says - some become killers and some become those who hunt them.
Full quote in the description. Now survivors are an interesting thing - I could just say that unlike the eternal victims, they don’t just survive but are thriving and have an unique strength to guide them. The greater what they overcame the greater the strength.
But I often found that a better description for survivors is healers. After being at the mercy of so many and knowing what that is like, they start to try to help others in similar situations, the community, the hunters and so on. Like I am doing right now.
Unlike the unhealthy version of it with people who haven’t resolved their issues and try to heal themselves by trying to help others, the healthy version doesn’t neglect the person helping and also prioritizes that persons wellbeing.

How it ends [6:50]
So how does it all end? Well that depends on you. Naturally dealing with trauma takes time and not all is yet set in stone. So if you find yourself in the position where you have hurt others - don’t panic. Try to apologize and undo as much as you can.
Try to avoid that if you can. What it is going to be is yours to decide - as long as you live you have the option to change. I have many episodes who can help you with that - and if that is not enough ask me. Yes, even if you are an abuser. I will help you get better.
But in general I found focusing on your steps, getting better and trying your best to minimize having a negative effect is the best way to go. In what category you end up then will show itself - be it survivor, healer or hunter. And if you don’t like it - then you can change.

Outro [7:52]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.