Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about just wanting peace - an expression often in regards with the marathon that is the healing process. This is part for validation but also helping.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:27]
Usually the sentence “I just want peace” is said by the biggest stirrer of chaos and unrest. Usually when they are confronted about their part in the chaos. But in this case it was from a mail I received and it wasn’t the first time I heard it.
While the basics of how to deal with PTSD isn’t that complicated - one of the most brutal aspect is its duration. This is a long fight - a long walk - a marathon - or whatever you want to call it. It takes long and once started you can’t really quit it.
And so the statement of “I just want peace” - is just a sentiment of the exhaustion of this long and difficult journey to finally be over and one can walk again without the burden. Which you got so used to.
The most shocking aspects of being cured were how vivid the colors, intense the smells, comforting my chest was and how light I felt. Even when it returned thanks to survivor’s guilt - I still remember that feeling of lightness and how the heaviness was no longer normal.
We first get into why it is exhausting, what we can do and then some closing words

Why it is exhausting [1:48]
The reason why it is exhausting is pretty obvious, but lets see if we can’t add some more. Not only does PTSD often get accompanied by depression, which drains the joy out of your life, but PTSD also drains your energy reserves, harms social interactions and your intake.
This means positive social interactions, positive feedback for accomplishments, from food, drink to positive impressions (like a pretty flower field). It also makes it harder to focus and to regulate your emotions. Additionally you will find it difficult to hope.
In other words: Life is now played on highest difficulty. Often this is also accompanied by a constant pain - often dull and hard to pinpoint, but yet makes you suffer. The interesting thing is, that chronic pain patients also report their low energy levels.
They also say even the smallest task can be huge challenge to accomplish. The constant having to endure the pain costs energy and therefor just drains you. Like cold water constantly drains the warmth of your body.

What we can do [3:02]
As so often, let us also dive into what we can do. And the most common advice I usually give is to take it slow - so it is over faster. I know, I still struggle with accepting it as well and love to rush into a hole like everyone else. But what do I actually mean by that?
Well it is the same method I recommend when you feel everything is lost and there is no hope. Make your world as small as it needs to be. Don’t focus on being cured, an event you want to make, the things you plan to do at full strength or the like.
If it hasn’t a deadline that is due soon - just put it aside. Make a list if you worried about forgetting, but otherwise put it aside. As much as you can. Until you literally only focus on the daily activities that have to be: Brush your teeth, eat and sleep.
Everything beyond that is bonus. If you feel like it: Try to achieve at least 1 additional goal. That can be writing a letter or doing the dishes or whatever. If you can do more - even better! Don’t think about tomorrow - just focus on today… on the next step.
Try to keep an eye on the general direction, but otherwise keep looking at your feet. And try to make these steps as enjoyable as you can - as it really helps and keeps the motivation up. As do success moments.

Closing words [4:36]
What it wonderfully does is turning this enormous mountain to just taking steps - and what is a journey but a collection of steps? Like how does travel time pass faster, counting down the time remaining or just focusing on doing stuff?
It really changes your perspective and helps so much. The worst part is that this nightmare keeps telling you towards the end that this is a dead end, that you can go no further and it was all futile. All this trouble just to stand in front of a locked door.
And then… it is just all suddenly gone. Like a bad dream - sometimes within minutes. It is not fair to go up against someone who can influence how you feel, what you think about, what you can do and how you receive messages from outside.
Its not fair and just frustrating. I know. But the most important information you need, is that it will be over. And as long as you head in that direction - you will get there. Sooner or later. There is no locked door at the end - that is the final bitter lie.
At the end is a new world and a great strength to tackle it all. For a while you feel invincible and like you can do everything. After all, what are these problems compared what you went through and accomplished? Keep going, keep getting up and you get there.

Outro [6:17]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.