Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about basically the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” - which I am sure most of you have heard. It is known officially as post traumatic growth - or PTG - but it has mixed opinions.
So let us talk about it.

Intermission [0:31]
A little intermission: This is a rerecord since two weeks ago my PC broke and the recording I managed to do with a lot of complications was sub par. Still improvising, but back now. Other than this Intermission nothing is changed.

Prelude [0:50]
Now as usual I will give you the short answer at the start: Yes and no. Which is even more unhelpful than usual. The good news is, that is because this is one of these cases where the short answer would just entirely miss the mark. The even better news is, that I think we can end on a positive note. I wanted to talk about this for a while since I came across this review of research of Post traumatic growth or PTG (link in the description) where he found that genuine PTG is rare, but illusionary PTG is common. In other words the growth is not real but imagined. Which honestly is in line with my observations - especially some people considering themselves healed when they still have tons of PTSD symptoms - if of the less known kind. But like I said earlier:
We end on a positive note, but we first have to clean the table - so to speak. We first talk about PTG, then why it is illusionary, then what does real PTG depend on and then is there post traumatic growth.

What is PTG? - post traumatic growth [2:08]
So we start at the basics and ask what is PTG? As the name suggests it’s about the growth after a traumatic event. Like in the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” I mentioned at the start. Which of course makes sense, haven’t we all gone through hard times and came out stronger at the end? Or just normal times. We learn - and therefor grow - from experience. Best and most easily observed when learning a skill or at work. Nothing compared to the start isn’t it? The more difficult the hurdle overcome - the greater the experience gain. Yes it really is like a video game in that regard. So of course the logical conclusion was that growth from an traumatic event must be even greater. At least that is the theory - but as we talked before - it is deeply flawed. Now according to the review there are also problems with the way its tested and so on, but that is not our focus nor my expertise. We instead focus on the growth itself.

Why it is illusionary [3:22]
Or why it is illusionary. I think most of us experienced after a dark time this very energetic or at least very positive moment or phase. Which is something I often warn about, as the newfound energy is temporary and it is easy to overwhelm oneself. So after a breakout of PTSD and the removal of the symptoms - you usually find yourself in a feeling of euphoric rush - you suddenly see colours, feel joy, smell the flowers and the like again. And it is so easy to get lost in it. To think its finally over and its all done, but if you are silent and stand still - you know there still is something. But wouldn’t you also say you experience PTG in that moment? Another reason is the want to be well again. A traumatic experience is a horrible experience that even has its own name for a reason. Of course you want to leave that as far behind as you can. And the thought of it coming back can be extremely frightening - so being in denial that the growth isn’t real is very understandable and human. Additionally there is a lot of pressure from outside to be back on your feet as quick as possible and becoming a productive member of society again. “Are you healed yet?” As I like to say. Also who likes to be unwell and who doesn’t like to be well again?

What does real PTG depend on [5:00]
So now to the important question: What does real PTG depend on? Well from my experience I would say first and foremost, if you genuinely overcame the traumatic experience. Which takes a very long time. Few people achieve that, most people stop at healed and then just learn to live with the rest of the PTSD. One can only start to grow after the ground is leveled - once it is truly over. You can’t start healing and recovering as long there is still struggle going on. It also mostly depends on honesty with yourself - so many I have seen claiming to be this new giant unstoppable person, when they are clearly still struggling and are not doing as well as they would like to. Denial is an important tool of your brain to make you able to live and survive grueling circumstances, but it can also stop your healing progress, because you don’t see the issues.

Is there post traumatic growth? [6:05]
Which leads us to the main question of “is there post traumatic growth?” and I want to give you the answer “yes in certain cases where the person genuinely overcame their trauma fully and cured themselves”. And as an example I want to use me, something I usually wouldn’t do, but there is no person I had a closer insight of their growth than myself - even though I saw it in others. I paid close attention and kept record. The me before I started it all? Was an ant in comparison to me now - and I can’t understand anymore how I could live like that. I mean I can, but I just live such a different life now. And I am not done growing - it is an active process I dedicate time and energy to. Though I do want to mention that my process was a bit of an extreme one, that I hope no one else has to go through. But I really noticed that growth and new things only came AFTER I fully cleared that area. Something you do after you are healed - you start digging and removing the roots to fully cure yourself. Then on this patch new things will grow - as their roots have now space to dig deep and the remains are now that fuel to help them flourish. Additionally I noticed a stability and resilience I barely see in other people. And a peace, wisdom and strength that most people will never experience.

Outro [7:52]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.