Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about survivor’s guilt, a topic I so far skipped over as I was affected by it myself. But during my healing process from it I made some discoveries and learned to better understand it.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:27]
As I mentioned before, I was affected by survivors guilt - one more time since I started this podcast. I am glad I waited, because while I cured myself from it - I learned quite a bit from it, but to that in a bit. What is survivor’s guilt?
Simplified you feel guilty for surviving and that is often accompanied with strong depression and the thought process of being undeserving of living. Last time - episode 84 where I covered it - it was for validation and finding purpose as band aid.
Now we will focus on what it is. As always if you feel like I skipped over something or haven’t answered your question in this regard - please feel free to contact me.
First we talk about surviving, then witnessing, then why you might struggle and lastly what one should do.

Surviving [1:27]
We start with talking about surviving. This is when you survive something that you theoretically shouldn’t have. That can be an operation, a sickness, cancer or whatever. I call it surviving and the other witnessing, because you often don’t really see the others.
You know what they are going through, you met likely several along the way or witnessed others not going well. Not the whole thing, but glimpses into it. That is what happened to me and was my variant. I knew and was aware, but didn’t really witness it.
That can also include animals, severe harm and suffering in a general sense. No one needs to actually die, but of course the severity of the survivor’s guilt is affected by it.

Witnessing [2:20]
Then there is witnessing, which means you saw and were present when it happened. That can go from a closed one dying, a crime like a robbery to a soldier loosing fellow soldiers. Once again this can include animals or harm being inflicted.
As usual the bigger the traumatic experience - the stronger the survivor’s guilt and symptoms. An important factor is also if you feel like you could have done something and the state you were in. And if you had any responsibility - be it as a medic or leader.
The range is in incredible and if you want me to go in greater detail please let me know.

Why you might struggle [3:05]
You might have already guessed, why you might struggle resolving it. It turns out that survivor’s guilt is strongly connected to a trauma and can not be resolved (in my experience) until the trauma was dealt with or the part of the trauma it was connected to.
Especially if you were in any way form responsible, be it as a medical person or a leader or in whatever shape or form. Then the guilt is strongly interwoven with the trauma structure - at least as far as I can tell and read in others experiences.  
So one could call survivor’s guilt a PTSD symptom. For a specific group of trauma at least. Which shows there is a lot more to learn how exactly traumas are shaped.

What one should do [3:52]
In base what one should do depends strongly if you were responsible or not. If you WERE responsible for the others passing, then that is a regular trauma and should get treated accordingly. Though you should make sure you were and not just assume you were.
Depression and PTSD can play a strong trick on the mind and want you to believe it. If you were, then this falls under the guilt and responsibility section and you are looking likely at a ring trauma. Though this is an own separate topic.
If you were not responsible it is theoretically simple: Accept you are not responsible for what happened to them and that the survival of others is not your responsibility to make up for it.
Some people reject all form of responsibility, while others put the world on their shoulders - both is not a healthy response. Because if we overload ourselves we just drown ourselves and in the end greatly harm ourselves.
We are responsible for ourselves - for our own actions and what we do. I am not responsible for your PTSD, but I am here to help you because I believe it is the right thing to do. I feel it is my responsibility to use my talent and knowledge in this regard.
But if you refuse to do anything to get better, then that is on you. I can’t make you and it isn’t my responsibility. But if you are willing then I will help you archive this goal, but not to the detriment of my own life or wellbeing. That is the conclusion I arrived at.
Every story is - of course - different. But I do strongly recommend trying to turn it into something positive and productive. It greatly increases your life quality and those around you.
 
Outro [5:57]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful. Hope you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.