Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about being scared or anxious - sometimes both at the same time. Usually it’s a cry for help by your overwhelmed brain. The feeling of fear is a very familiar feeling for those dealing with PTSD and can greatly impact your healing process.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:33]
I was scared all my life until my late twenties - it only changed when I progressed enough in my healing process to be finally rid of the constant fear. And to finally realize I was scared all the time - I didn’t even know until the feeling stopped. Until then - it was just normal.
It is really amazing how you don’t notice it - until it stops - and suddenly you see the world in a completely different way. Even though theoretically nothing changed - in reality everything changed. And many will confirm - you have to witness it to truly believe it.
While being scared or anxious is something completely normal - it isn’t when PTSD is involved. It has a way to warp it into something so far that sometimes it even does the opposite it is supposed to do. Sometimes even leading to complete self destruct.
As I mentioned before - in some ways PTSD is like a self destruct mechanism for the body - especially when depression is included. While it isn’t exactly clear how this mechanism came to be - it is clear that we can’t fully trust our brain and perceptions during it.
We first talk about why fear is a good thing, then the brain is confused, then why the fear is so damaging and then what we can do.

Why fear is a good thing [2:05]
Now right out of the gate, we start with a rather counter intuitive statement: Fear is a good thing. Which you will most likely disagree with me with - especially if PTSD is making your life difficult and using it as a tool to do so. You are completely valid with that perspective.
So let us add the usually unnecessary addition of “if it’s used in its intended way” - because usually the brain doesn’t use fear in a way that is inherently bad. Fear is there to tell you - for example - that there is a cliff and that you can come to harm by it.
The right response is then to look at the cliff, recognize why it can be potential harmful to you, adjust your path if necessary and then move on with your life. Fear is just there to make you aware of a potential threat to your wellbeing - physical or psychological.
The second one can be caused by your brain recognizing that PTSD is spreading, but also not being able to do anything about it. And because there is no warning signal that says PTSD - it can come off as random things just suddenly are setting the alarm off.
And then you can find yourself in a position where the alarm goes off all the time - like a motion detector in a neighborhood with loads of cats - and you are basically in constant fear all the time. Which can be extremely paralyzing and exhausting.

The brain is confused [3:46]
The reason is that the brain is basically confused because there are suddenly malfunctions and things not working and it doesn’t know what to do. Did you ever see of someone who got pranked so much that by the end they didn’t trust anything?
Like are extremely jumpy and assume something is behind any possible location? This is how your brain can be and it’s clearly not working as intended. So we have to help the brain out a bit - by learning and understanding why the things are happening that are happening.
Now your brain isn’t one unit - it is separated into several segments - this is also why you are surprised by your dreams - one part is telling the other a story basically. The segments are of course in a strong connection and communication with each other.
But sometimes things don’t get through the right way - that is when we draw a blank - so to speak. But if you learn and understand something - that knowledge will be transfered to the other segments. The more you truly understand it - the better.
That is why I try to explain all the mechanism and knowledge - so you have the understanding and tools you need to cure yourself or at least to improve your situation.

Why the fear is so damaging [5:06]
Now as many of you likely have noticed - this constant state of fear is extremely damaging. Your body is not intended to stay this long in a state of extreme alert - and its not good for it. The heart especially suffers as does your sleeping.
From nightmares, to panic attacks interrupting your sleep - there are many ways it makes you even more tired - which of course makes you even more prone to fear, panic attacks and the like. It is quite a viscous circle you need to work against.
Of course the reduced energy level allows you to do less - even if your sleep pattern is unaffected. The constant fear or being scared all the time just drains you - similar how pain does. If you have both you of course get double the drain.
Which doesn’t mean its hopeless - just that you have to be very careful with your resources and choose your steps carefully - as you don’t want to waste any of your limited resources.

What we can do [6:09]
But what can we do? Once again, as counter intuitive as it sounds, we have to slow down as quickly as we can. By reducing our daily load we make room for action and give the brain more space to handle things. It is especially helpful to calm your brain down.
A sign of you constantly being scared or anxious is the brain not catching a break and therefor just riling itself up. The brain is too overwhelmed with all the input and just constantly pushes the button in an attempt to defend itself and as a call for aid.
Basically fear is - like mentioned earlier - a way of your brain to tell you to check for a potential threat and to address it. But mostly we need to understand what we are afraid of - so we can address it and put the brain at ease. It will drop it if we have a plan.
It doesn’t have to be a good plan, but a plan is needed. Even if it’s just understanding that we have a panic attack because we were triggered by one thing, then it might be a panic attack, but we remain in control during it and just have to weather it.
Which is definitely preferable and usually the step into the final direction. Which is identifying and removing the trigger and the trauma itself. But one step at a time - we get there when we get there.

Outro [7:35]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.