Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears,
I am Johanna Draconis and I welcome you to the Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast. In this episode we talk about how love is not enough.
Though this episode is going to be a bit different again, because - for one - it is something that is so deeply painful and hard to accept - that it is very difficult to talk about it. A deep wound almost all of us share. Some in great - some in lesser extent.
For two -  that is also the reason it’s going to be shorter and the format a bit different - as you already likely noticed. And since I’m going to be off and able to relax for a few days afterwards in a years long awaited trip, I thought now is the right time.

Love and relationship [0:54]
Love is not enough and you can invest all your time and effort and love into a relationship, but it still won’t be enough. No matter how much you do - you can’t do the other persons job. If only one person is pushing then all you do is go in circles.
And you can’t force the other person to do it. It is so incredible frustrating and painful to see a potentially wonderful relationship fall apart, because the other person just… lets it happen. It all goes just down the drain and all you can do is slow it down.
Until you can’t take it anymore because you are just exhausted. You can’t fix someone else - you can only help them fix themselves. Them loving you doesn’t take care of your needs or wellbeing - which are needed for a happy future.

Love and change [1:50]
Love is not enough - as it is like pouring water in a bucket filled with holes. You might get it to rise to a certain level, but in the end it will always empty itself. It will never be enough. A caring person will try to change to fix these holes to prevent this from happening.
But they need to want it. There is a saying called if he wanted to - he would. And that is so true and applies to everyone. That bucket will never be full enough that you get your just reward - like them finally giving you the love and care you craved for so long.
They might for a short time do it while the bucket is almost full and give you hope, but then return to their old habits. And endless cycle. Because true change comes from within and must be motivated from within.

Love and potential [2:46]
Love is not enough and I really wish it was. Despite all the movies and stories which I grew up with - where love overcomes any hurdle, changes people, everything becomes wonderful and makes differences become meaningless. That is just not the case.
Yes, love can make the impossible possible and improve your life tremendously and help you go further than you ever hoped - but the emphasis is on CAN. It can do so - IF other requirements are also met. It requires work, effort, dedication, caring and commitment.
Love isn’t a one and done thing. It requires you everyday to make the choice again - and put in the effort.

Love and what you deserve [3:37]
Love is not enough and I’m so sorry for you, for me and for everyone in this situation. Walking away can be this almost impossible hard thing to do - especially since we love them so much. It feels like betrayal and abandonment. Of leaving a loved one in a time of need.
But you can’t force them to change their way and there is no point to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. You hear it from me now: They will never love you back in a way you deserve and it is okay to let go - and that is important you prioritize your own wellbeing.
It will be hard and painful, but it will open a position for someone to truly love you back. You deserve happiness - to close your eyes and know you are safe and secure and in a warm loving place - close to someone you care for and who cares for you too.

Wishing you the best,
Johanna