Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about feeling like a child and not like an adult - often accompanied by feeling overwhelmed and lost. One of the more general issues, but also an absolute key element on recovering from trauma - especially if it happens in the childhood.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:33]
There are many opinions out there and some people think you can’t like stuffed animals or childhood series or anything in that regard. In my opinion you can enjoy whatever you want - as long as you are not harming anyone. Everyone enjoys different things.
I go by the saying “Grow up in your head - not your heart”. Meaning you can behave as childish as you want - after you took care of your responsibilities and ensured no one will be harmed - unintentionally at least. Go have fun and enjoy yourself.
Though if we want to get rid of our past trauma - especially if it involved our parents as it often does - then we have to address this topic. Because being a child also means being helpless and at the mercy of other people - which is important for later.
Yes, a child has no responsibilities - or at least officially - and is often associated with being carefree, but the flip side of it is - that a child also has no voice, agency or independence. Which makes them like a little boat in the middle of the ocean.
We first talk about are there no adults, then why being an adult is important, then why do we still feel like children and then what can we do.

Are there no adults? [2:00]
The reason I wanted to talk about this topic is, that I kept running into people claiming either that there aren’t any adults and everyone’s improvising - a sign you’re overwhelmed - or that they themselves feel like children and can’t seem to be able to become an adult.
The first version especially had me greatly confused, because I talked with so many people and really can’t confirm that notion. Yes, many younger people feel overwhelmed and not like a proper adult, but also not like a child.
Then I realized it was the social bubble everyone of us is in - that bubble can be small or quite big depending on the person. We attract like minded people - so it was logical that adult people would be surrounded and be attracted to other adult people.
That is also why you likely heard something along the lines of “show me who your friends are and I know who you are”. This also applies to people who still feel like a child and unable to change their situation thanks to their past abuse.
They are likely surrounded by people who also don’t know how to become an adult and therefor have trouble finding the answer. Which is also why I strongly suspect that the other group was also affected by something as children and just don’t know.

Why being an adult is important [3:27]
Now you might be wondering, why is this important? Why is being an adult so important? Well, because it means you healed from your past and are able to go your own way. It means you are free. Which is the goal of this podcast - you being cured and free.
While a child reacts - an adult acts. This has also a lot to do with learned helplessness and the often lack of preparation for this stage in your life. In the past rites and rituals were there to help you shift you from a child to a full member of the group.
Additionally immature adults tend to fear abandonment and therefor don’t really want their kid to leave. That can happen completely subconsciously. An adult child can’t walk on its own - therefor always follows the footsteps of the parents or similar figures.
Only often realizing this when the person who they followed is gone, but usually by then its almost too late and often people wouldn’t even know how to change things. Often accompanied by the realization that they lived the life of someone else or for someone else.
Often they waited until the end for their parents approval. Or sometimes they even don’t know who's approval they seek. Just that whatever they do never seems to be enough.

Why do we still feel like children? [4:58]
But why do we still feel like children? While there is of course never 1 reason, but to give the short answer: Because you haven’t developed that part of you yet. I was also affected by it, despite being severely parentified as a child.
But parentification only puts the responsibilities on the child and doesn’t put them in charge or lets them make their own decisions. On the contrary - they are often watched and strongly punished if they stray away from the wanted path or start using their own voice.
They are given tasks to do and they have to follow them through. So they are always following instructions and learn to move exactly along the wanted path and always adjusting according to the responses. Behaving like adults, but only as taught and approved.
The constant seeking of validation seen especially by influencer's or stars is a strong sign of this feeling like a child - still waiting for that approval. This is also the reason why they are over represented and so much on social media and not just living their life.
And because they depend their happiness on the approval of others - they are never in charge of their own life. That’s when you are like a child - without agency, own voice, helpless and the mercy of other people.

What can we do? [6:25]
So what can we do? It is absolutely crucial we separate from our parents - figuratively. You can be separated literally and still not figuratively. If you want to get rid of the past abuse or trauma - you have to take charge of your own life.
Which is a full topic on itself. But as far as I know it starts with truly understanding who you are - which means self confidence as we talked about in episode 155. Because only if you know who you are - you know where you want to go and what to stand for.
It is also the way to let the parts grow that were neglected - be it on purpose or not. This can be a very daunting when you start. It is scary to be suddenly without the familiarity and no shelter. The safety you felt is gone - even it wasn’t really safe.
Once you start walking where you want to go - independent of what they think, then you are becoming an adult. I recommend starting very small and be very aware during it - so you can learn and get better and take bigger steps until you just walk without thinking about it.
Being an adult isn’t just about accepting responsibility but also about taking charge of your own life. So you can live a life worth living - your own life. And choose to be a child whenever you want to.

Outro [7:56]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.