Intro [0:00]
Hello my dears! My name is Johanna, and I welcome you to the Johanna Draconis - The Deconstruction Of C-PTSD podcast.
In this episode we will talk about emotions once again, but this time about loosing control over them. That can take many forms and is sadly usually a common aspect in dealing with PTSD and also during the healing progress.
So let us talk about it.

Prelude [0:27]
Now before we start let’s get the basics out of the way: Emotions are hard to control and full control is basically impossible. You can’t choose your emotions, but often influence them. A good visualization of this is the movie inside out.
What we are talking about is loosing the control of your emotions and them going a bit rampant or having their own will of sort. But not only during your healing progress or when dealing with PTSD will you encounter this problem.
Many of you likely have responded some time more harshly than you intended - and likely have apologized afterwards for it. Another common example is anger during driving - road rage is the term when you loose control over your emotions in that scenario.
Another one is sadly to be manipulated and only realizing later what happened - with all the additional emotions that come with it. A lack of control makes you more prone to manipulation, abuse and the like and the abusers know and look for it for that reason.
We first talk about how it makes things harder, then about abusers and healthy people, then why you loose control and then how to better maintain control.

How it makes things harder [1:46]
There are many consequences for this kind of state that make things harder. We are more likely to hurt those close to us, we are more at risk of getting in trouble at work, our relationships are harder to maintain, your everyday life is harder to manage and so on.
All of which makes it even harder and causes this viscous circle - that is difficult to keep atop of. It also usually affects our sleep and eating patterns. Which leads to a whole load of other issues as you can imagine and likely experienced.
A lack of emotional control also leads to be not taking as seriously by those around you. We usually associate a lack of control over ones emotions to children - as they literally can’t control their emotions until a certain age.
That is why they need their parent figure to explain and teach them how to maintain and control their emotions. A form of child neglect is not teaching them exactly that - we talked more about parental influence in episode 160.
But besides all of that it also has an rather often neglected side effect: It makes you attract abusers and dissuade healthy people.

About abusers and healthy people [3:03]
Now abusers are attracted for many reasons. Either to be able to vent off steam, because you are more likely to make a mistake, or because they pick up on your vulnerability and know that your walls and instincts are most likely not fully active.
Others maybe pick up that you are weakened and make an easy target. You are subconsciously sending out a signal about your imbalance that other people pick up on - also subconsciously. The stronger the imbalance the more impossible it is to hide.
Most likely the healthy people just pick up that something is off and feel instinctively that it is better to just stay away. Maybe a leftover when it was a way to detect a sick and potential contagious individual of the group - before medicine was a thing.
I can only speculate, but what I did notice is how behavior I had displayed earlier in my healing progress, were now off putting to me and I understood now why people sometimes reacted the way they did. And how noticeable it was to those around.
Behavior that I thought was normal and subtle is now clearly not. And while I know and understand it is a call for aid, it can send off mixed signals to those who don’t know. And abusers sadly know and look for it.

Why you loose control [4:29]
The short answer to why you loose control is because you brain is overwhelmed. It is basically a symptom of a brain that is struggling. The more often and strongly it occurs the more the brain is struggling. It requires strength and focus to push back against emotions.
I am sure you noticed when you are tired or exhausted that you are way more sensitive and emotional. Our brain diverts its energy to different departments and will neglect departments if it feels it need to give one more energy to succeed. That happens constantly.
For example: Have you ever turned down the music to be able to better focus on parking in? That is you brain minimizing the other departments to make room for the department that is needed. Similar how in star trek the energy is transferred to shields.
Now there are many reasons why your brain is struggling, be it because of trauma, stress, mourning, overwhelmed, PTSD or whatever is heavy on your mind. Then any added load can lead to short circuiting or loosing control over your emotions.
Especially since your emotional department is both responsible for emotional stress and all the ongoing emotions. That is also why your control over your emotions is a good barometer to check your well being and mental health.

How to better maintain control [5:56]
The most important step to better maintain control is to just breathe. Calming down and relaxing helps the brain to focus on the mental load and do some house cleaning - so to speak. This will free up some wiggle room which makes outburst more unlikely.
Relaxing, napping, sleeping or the like does exactly that. It helps to release some of the pressure and give the brain time to work. Additionally laughter is very relaxing and lets of some steam as well. As do tears - crying is also very helpful.
As is talking to someone or interacting with animals. Sport also helps a lot - depending on the sport it also gives your brain room to work. They all help with different sort of emotions and stress and have therefor different scenarios where they’re most beneficial.
Additionally happy hormones kind of work like little energy boosts that help speed up the recovery progress.  While all these help - it’s most important that you identify what is causing you emotional stress and address it to deal with it permanently.
Be it by changing your perspective, take therapy, talk with someone about it, share with people in similar position or the like. A deeply relaxed person is the goal, when silence fills you with comfort, warmth, strength and peace. At least most of the time.

Outro [7:34]
That was it for todays episode, I hope you found it helpful and that you are safe and well. And as always, if you have any questions or feedback and the like, please let me know at contactme@johannadraconis.com.
More information and transcript you can find as usually under johannadraconis.com and links are in the description. You can also find me under @johannadraconis on Youtube, twitter and instagram.
I hope to see you next time. Watch yourselves and have a wonderful time.